No More
by Philately-fun
Summary: Josh and Donna If he had to let her go in the harsh light of another morning, it could very well be the end of him.


Disclaimer - They aren't mine. They're the property of a writer who is much better than me, much smarter than me, and whom I respect so much for givingthe West Wing to us. I'm just borrowing them. I promise to give them back after I'm done.

A/N - I know it's wierd. I might add to it, I might not. At the moment, it's a one-shot.  
Song - U2 - Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me.

_

* * *

_

_No More_

None of that mattered any more.

_And it was okay. _

_The tears streaming down her face didn't feel like her own, and the hands on the wheel didn't feel like her own, and the thoughts in her head didn't feel like her own. And none of it meant anything. All she knew was that she couldn't do it any more._

_It didn't matter to her that she might get caught – She was over the limit and doing twice the speed she should be. She had just sped away from that bar, leaving him standing on the sidewalk lost and alone. _

_Her cell rang. Looking away from the road she picked it up, and held it in her hand for a second._

_The caller ID said the same as it had before._

_Josh._

_She opened the window and hurled the cell from it, making the tears come harder. _

* * *

"We've got to stop doing this."

The bar was empty, save for the good looking bartender and a young couple in a booth on the other side of the smoky room.

"Why?" Donna asked, as she slid herself onto his lap, one leg either side of his waist, and ran her fingers through his hair. She'd had a few beers, and they were the only ones left behind. Why should she stop? CJ, Sam, Toby… They'd all left.

"Because…"

She leaned down, till her soft blonde hair was caressing the side of his face, and her musky, alcohol laden breath was on his lips.

"Is it bad?" Her voice was dark like tinted glass, and made him shiver.

"Donna." He breathed her name. "Please…" His hands were on her hips now, gripping them so tightly his fingernails were leaving half-moons in her skin. Creating as much friction as possible, she pulled herself further up his thighs. This had happened before, many times, many ways, but always they were drunk, and always it ended with rushed, hollow sex, filled with need and desire.

"I should take you home." Josh released his grip, his willpower fighting hard his desire for her. It couldn't happen again. If he had to let her go in the harsh light of another morning, it could very well be the end of him.

She slid to the floor and disappeared across the bar, and a breath escaped his lips that had been captive too long. Even though he'd released her, it was still a shock to feel her weight removed from his legs, feel her pressure and heat vanish so quickly from his own throbbing.

He turned, slowly, his eyes searching out her bright tank top across the hazy room. She was headed, if rather unsteadily, to the jukebox. After a short time, the low, heady introduction of U2's Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me started flooding the bar, washing over Josh. Donna started to move slowly to the music, rolling her hips, snaking her slender, bare arms above her head. She gyrated closer, tight hipster jeans hugging and flaunting her shapely legs.

**You don't know how you took it,  
You just know what you got,  
Oh Lordy you've been stealing,  
From the thieves and you got caught -  
In the headlights,  
Of a stretch car,  
You're a star.**

She was practically on top of him again now, only this time she was pulling at his tie. "Come and dance with me, Lyman…' were the words she whispered in his ear.

He hated the way she did this. God, how he loved her. He really did. And he knew, somewhere inside her heart, she loved him. But they could never be together, not really. They could never be the way she needed.

So they were this way, whatever it was. They had as much of each other as they could get, deep in the dark haze of sex, all hands, legs, entangled, reaching for something tangible, anything to get them through the daylight.

**Dressing like your sister,  
Living like a tart.  
They don't know what you're doing,  
Babe, it must be art -  
You're a headache,  
In a suitcase,  
You're a star**

**

* * *

**

_She drove for a few moments longer, till she reached a small lay-by. The alcohol, and the tears, and her thoughts were clouding her vision. She pulled over, clicked off the engine, and silently cradled her swimming head in her hands. How could he say that to her? How could he even… Why couldn't everything just stay as it was, as it had been since the campaign? She'd been happy._

* * *

Those long, lithe arms were on his shoulders, pulling him closer. His hands, disobedient children, glided around her waist, and touched the bare skin at the small of her back. She stepped into him, till they were touching from chest to hip, her body fitting perfectly against his. He inhaled softly as they started to move together, rocking their hips from side to side, perfect rhythm.

He was here again. Here within this other world, this dangerous, heady world that she seemed to know much better than him, at least tonight.

This was the first time since his visit from ATVA that they'd been out like this, and somehow, it felt different. Donna seemed more forceful, anxious despite the alcohol flowing in her veins. He could feel the muscles of her back under his fingertips, tense and knotted.

**Oh no, don't be shy,  
You don't have to go blind,  
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me**

Impatient, she pulled herself up, pressing her lips against his in a feverish open-mouthed kiss. She slid a hand up into his hair, keeping one on his shoulder to steady herself.

He returned the kiss, and she tasted like beer, peppermint and coffee, fear and sadness, love and life itself.

She tasted exactly the way he remembered, except that she didn't. Maybe it was him, tasting differences in himself…

He pulled out of the kiss, though it was like wrenching his heart from his body, and looked down at her. She looked confused, and a little angry. He never made her stop. Didn't he know how much this meant to her?

Taking her hand from around his neck, he held it between his, studying intently each of her exquisite fingers.

**You don't know how you got here,  
You just know you want out.  
Believing in yourself,  
Almost as much as you doubt,  
You're a big smash,  
You wear it like a rash -  
'Star' **

"Donna…" His voice was barely a whisper and she instantly drew away from him, as if she sensed what was coming…

"I can't do this any more… It's killing me."

She stared at him, open-mouthed, tears forming in her eyes.

"Josh…" Her voice was hoarse, cold.

"I mean, I can't be with you like this any more. Please…I don't even know how we got this way, because I…"

He blinked, and realised belatedly how his words were sounding…

**Oh no, don't be shy,  
There's a crowd to cry -  
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me**

She wrenched her hand from his, and stepped backwards.

Please, her mind said, please don't take this away from me. If I lose us, even this fucked up version of us…

"What is it then?" Anger edged her tone, and she felt it starting to thump through her…

"I'll take you home."

She dipped her hand into his pocket swiftly, and pulled out his car keys. Tears pulsed in her eyes, angry, hot tears that she couldn't hold back, couldn't clear, because she'd finally lost him.

"Fuck you, Joshua Lyman."

**They want you to be Jesus,  
They'll go down on one knee,  
But they'll want their money back,  
If you're alive at thirty-three -  
And you're turning tricks,  
With your crucifix,  
You're a star. **

**Of course you're not shy -  
You don't have to deny love.  
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me**

With that, she turned and left, reaching the cool night air before the first tear hit the floor. She found his car, and fumbled with the lock, by which time Josh was closing on her.

"Donna!"

She finally unlocked it and climbed in behind the wheel, closing the door with a vicious slam. He was at the window in a second. "Donna! Please, you have to understand something" He placed his palms on the window, and rested his head against it, till his breath fogged up the glass.

She stuck the key in the ignition, and turned. It wouldn't start. She tried again.

"I love you. And I can't keep this up anymore because…"

She tried a third time, and still nothing but an engine grinding forlornly.

"Because I need more of you, and I know I can't have it, we can't ever do it. But this little bit, this physical bit I have of you isn't enough. It's breaking me up inside…"

Finally, the engine turned over, and she shifted into gear and sped away. Away from him, away from all that. Maybe she'd never stop. The tears were coming thick and fast now, and she was sobbing at the wheel, swerving to avoid cars that she'd seen too late. Josh watched in horror, till she disappeared out of sight. When she had, he pulled out his cell phone, and hit speed-dial 1.


End file.
